Describing time to me seems akin to the relativity within our own experiences and to joy and pain, in addition to the duality of our heightened or desensitized emotions. I am reminded of varied experiences where I have experienced trauma as well as love. I have experienced relative time by living through moments, remembering them, and realizing the inter-connectedness of time, space, and each other through experiences.
I remember memories around trauma and how such differing experiences felt so drawn out, and likewise, my memory around them so specific, detailed, and more slower-paced. Living through those moments, I remember feeling desensitized to what was going on around me and going through the day in a way that felt almost child-like, and I was experiencing it as a slow dance, but the music surrounding me was muted and life around me felt farther away and out of focus, out of sight, and even out of my sense of hearing. I felt like I was experiencing time in slow motion.
My rational mind wants to label it “trauma,” “disassociation,” my brain‘s attempt to protect my mind and body - and yet I feel these labels fall short of truly appreciating time and the beauty of the experience as a whole.
I am then reminded of my intuitive mind and experiencing time and love and its limitless-ness, lack of barriers, and it’s ability to bring us together. I think of being with loved ones and being unable to comprehend how so quickly so many moments passed. I am reminded of seeing a person in a dream who was no longer actively a part of my life and upon looking into their eyes during a dream, I came to the lucid realization that I was dreaming because I knew that if I was looking into their eyes, then it must be a dream. The depth of that truth awakened my unconscious mind brought me into the presence of my own dreaming mind. Such a mind-altering experience - through both love and pain - bridged time and space within my own mind and body. This reality connected my present through my past from my unconscious through my consciousness.
And if our love is as infinite as it feels, then is it not also expanding through time and space?
May 7-8, 2020 / Edited May 13, 2020
Sahar Azizi
Sahar - so much YES to your statement: "My rational mind wants to label it “trauma,” “disassociation,” my brain‘s attempt to protect my mind and body - and yet I feel these labels fall short of truly appreciating time and the beauty of the experience as a whole."
ReplyDeleteThat is such an incredible way to put it. I agree there is so much beauty that can come out of trauma if we are able to step back and see it as a whole. Thank you for putting into words something I have always thought.